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Kat and Minako Strike Back (For the First Time)- Part 1


Note:This Fic is and insane tux-slagging slef-serving piece of 
"writing". Enjoy.


Kat: Hello Iím Kat and-
Minako: HEY! Introduce me!
Kat: Right. This is Minako-chan.
Tuxedo Kamen: I am Tuxedo Kamen-
Minako: And this is the victim of our story...
Kat: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Kat: Thanks a lot, Minako. You didnít pair Tuxedo Kamen up with anyone in your fic,
and now heís going after me!
Tux: Heh heh, come here, Kat.
Kat: Get away from me!
Minako: Oh well. If all else fails, kill the dork! How can I pair him up with someone? Iím
not that cruel!
Kat: Couldnít you brainwash someone into liking him?
Minako: Unfortunately, brainwashing can only do so much!
*Tux disappears*
Minako: There, I put him into another dimension. He wonít bother you any more.
*Later...*
Kat: Minako, Cape Boy escaped again!
Minako: Sheesh, this guy... come on, letís kill him _again_...
Kat: You make it sound like a chore!
Tux: Oh Kat, my one and only...
Kat: Heeyaa!
*Kat smashes Dork Boy over head with mallet... he falls unconcious*
Minako: Whereíd you get that?
Kat: Nowhere Land.
Minako: Thereís something for every occasion! Stop by Nowhere Land for all your
shopping needs!
Tuxedo Dork: Good idea! I should get some new roses!
Kat: Are your old ones getting ticks again? HEY, what do you think youíre doing awake?
Tux: I got bored with being unconscious.
Minako: Thereís no pleasing some people. Take this! Sailor V Kick!
*Tux is flung backward*
Kat: Okay, now what?
Minako: Time to try the tie-the-idiot-to-the-railway-track-and-leave-him-there trick!
Kat: ThatĻs the oldest clichť in the book -
Dork Boy: When the chips are down and the day is as dull as watching paint dry, I am
Tuxedo Kamen!
Kat: But hey! It could work!
Minako: Tux, _you_ are as dull as watching paint dry.
Tux: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Usagi: Donít steal my lines!
Kat: Shut up, Tux! Letís tie him up!
Minako: Would you like to do the honors?
Kat: Glad to...
Tux: WAAAAAAAAH! Get away from me! WAAAAAAH!
Minako: Sheesh, this guy cries worse than... than... er-
Kat: Than what?
Minako: Than something that cries a lot!
Kat: Suave Minako...
Tuxie: Help! HEELLLPPP!!! I'm about to be run over by a train! HEELLPPP,
Please, anyone...
Kat: Heh-heh... that oughta hold the little-
Minako: No swearing, Kat.
Kat: Itís only around him that I start to lose my cool.
Minako: Yeah right.
Kat: Oh well, letís go...
Tuxie: I am Tuxedo Kamen!
Minako: What? *Tux appears* Didn't you get run over?!
Tux: I sliced the ropes with a rose...
Minako (holding a gun to Tux's head): All right, hand over the roses!
Kat: Hey, that's a good idea! Why don't we shoot him...
Tux: PLEASE DON'T!!! WAHHHHHHHH! Everyone's so mean to
me! WAHHHHHHHH!!!
Kat and Minako: OH SHUT UP!!!! We have to get rid of this guy....
Cape Boy: I'm too young and beautiful to die!
Kat: Beautiful?! *starts gagging*
Minako: Young? You're older than me, and I've died several times!
Tux: Oh, that's right, I'm immortal, aren't I? No matter how often I die, I always find a
way back.
Minako: Shall I test that theory?
Kat: Be my guest!
*Gun goes off*
*Tux is dead... little angel in tuxedo, cape and with wings floats up
into the sky*
Minako: An ANGEL?! This can't be right!
Kat: No angel has dress sense that bad! Must be a hallucination.
Minako: I hope, I hope...
Kat: Well, at least he's gone!
Minako: Yeh! Yaaay!
Kat: Hey have you read Pitzy and Naru's story lately? It's incredible!
*flash of light*
Tux: Hey, girls I'm baaacckkk!!!!!!
Kat and Minako: Oh hell.....
Minako (yelling over Tuxedo Kamen's nauseating 'inspiring' speech about how he can
never be brought down as long as there are Cape Boy fans out there): YEAH, I READ
PITZY AND NARU'S STORY! IT'S PRETTY KEWL, ISN'T IT?! HAVE YOU
SUGGESTED A TITLE FOR IT?
Kat: Well, I-
Minako (interrupting): Hey, did anyone else just hear Tux say that the key to his
downfall was killing of all his fans?
Kat: No. I'm trying to tune him out.
Tux: Well, I didn't say anything like that. Heh heh.
Kat: Well, this is as good a plan as any!
Minako: But this is a moral dilemma. Can we really destroy so many
people just because they were cursed with bad taste?
Cape Boy: Ah, my beloved beautiful rose. The sleekest weapon of the
skies, how well you fly through the air...
Kat: Yeah.
Minako: Forget the moral dilemma!
Kat: I have a problem with this, though... you see, I have a friend who
thinks that annoying little Tuxedo-dressed thing is cool, and I just can't kill David!
Tux: I am Tuxedo Mask, greatest of all heros, immune to death, handsome
and-
Kat: On second thought...
Minako: Hmm, I found out today that one of my friends (that I converted into a Moonie)
thinks Tux is cute and wishes he were real. I told her that the reason he wasn't was that
someone with dress sense that awful wouldn't be allowed out on the streets!
Kat: That's telling her!
Tux: Hey, my dress sense rules!
Minako: That mask is way last-season.
Kat: Take a note... only kewl looking villians named after minerals can pull off wearing a
cape without looking like a moron.
Minako: And what is with that hat? Are you trying to look like a magician or something?!
Cape Boy: Hey! Yeah! For my next trick, the magical flying rose...
Kat: May as well put all this wasted energy to good use... hey, you're supposed to know
many forms of magic and all that jazz. 
Tuxedo Thing:  I am?
Venus: Yes!! Whaddya mean, you donít know?! HavenĻt you visited Jaimeís Dark
Kingdom Shrine?
Tux: The Dark Kingdom are my enemies!
Kat: Thatís all the reason I need to like them, I know that much.
Venus: Can you bring people back from the dead?
Tux: You betcha!
Minako: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Kat: I think I am!
Both: THE DARK KINGDOM IS MAKING A COMEBACK!
Kunzite (appearing out of nowhere): What th'...
Kat (jumps on Kunziteís lap): Hello... *drools*
Jadeite (also appears out of nowhere): WHAT TH-
Minako (drooling): OOH!!! I like this fic!
Nephrite: What th-
*pause* 
Nephrite: Well?
Minako (attached to Jed): Well what?
Nephrite: Don't I get anyone drooling over me?
Zoisite: Hahahahaha! As if!
Nephrite: And what is that supposed to mean?
Zoisite: You don't know? Wow, you're even dumber than you look!
*Nephrite and Zoisite stick their tongues out at each other.*
Tux: I don't like this fic. I'm not getting enough attention.
Zoisite (avec ice crystal): You want attention?
Nephrite: Yeha, kill the dork!
Tuxedo Kamen:No wait... I...
Kat and Minako: Get 'im!!!!
Tuxie: NOOOO!!!!
Kunzite and Jed (both looking slightly annoyed): Get off of us! We need
to help kill Tuxedo Kamen!
Minako and Kat:  Oh, okay...
Zoicite: Zoi!
Kunzite: MWA-HA-HA-HA!!!
Jadeite: I'll run you over with these jet planes! *2 toy jets appear in
his hands* WHAT THE-???
Kat: It's the best I could do... anyway.. letĻs get him!
Jed: I don't want wimpy toys! Stuff this, I'm going for the big time! No planes around... I'll
just have to make use of what I've got!
*Birds swoop down from sky, and their eyes are glowing red*
Tux: Ack! Ow!
Jed: Mwhahahahahaha!
Nephrite: I ask for power from the stars...
Zoisite: And why would the stars listen to an idiot like you? AACKKK!
Kunzite: Hey, Neffy-kun!
Nephrite: Huh? WhatĻs with the Neffy-kOWWWWWW!
Zoisite: Neffy-kowwwww. Has a nice ring to it.
Nephrite: Grrr. YouĻll pay for this! 
*Nephrite blasts Zoisite and Kunzite. They blast him back*
Zoisite: Hahahahahaha!
Kunzite: Mwhahahahaha!
Nephrite: Mwahahahahaha!
Minako: Why are you all laughing? You canĻt *all* be winning!
Jed: This is ridiculous. How'd I get stuck with these morons?
Minako: Hey, YOU GUYS!! Stop fighting each other, kill the Dork Boy!
Kat: Yeah, show no mercy! Mwhahahaha!
Beryl: *Appearing from no-where as do all characters in the story* What's that? Maniacle
Laughter?I think you two would make great generals!
Kat and Minako: Generals...GENERALS! YEAH!
Kat: MWAHAHAHAHA!
Four Generals (sweatdrops appear) :Them?!
Minako: Yes, US!!
Zoisite: But you're a girl!
Kat: Look who's talking!
Zoisite: Huh?
Kat: Never mind.
Nephrite: Minako, you can't be a General. 
Minako: Give me one good reason why not.
Nephrite: You're a Senshi. 
Minako: Your point being?
Nephrite: You're our enemy!
Minako: So?
Nephrite: So you'd have to betray your princess!
Minako: So?
Nephrite: She's reduced my logic to shambles.
Zoisite: Doesn't take much.
Kat: So, how 'bout me, huh, huh?
Kunzite: What are you?
Kat: I'm a cat in human form!
Jadeite (dubious): Reaaally.
Kat: Yes! Meow, meow, there, you convinced?
Jed: No.
Kat: Well, you should be. Check out this then.
*Kat jumps into the air and extends her fingernails into claws*
Zoisite: So you're a freak of nature? So what?
Beryl: I need aspirin, aspirin eases the pain...
Kat: Yeah Beryl, I donít carry asprin, and I donít GIVE about your problems! What about
me! I AM a cat in human form!
*Kat whacks Zoi-chan on the side of his head*
Minako: Donít hurt Zoi-chan!
Kat: *snarls* I WILL hurt whomever I damn well please! And I'm NOT a freak of nature
thankyouverymuch!
Minako: Anyway, we ARE going to be generals!
Kunzite:And I suppose I'll have to train you... *sighs*
Kat (raises one eyebrow): Awwww, we're not THAT bad!
Neph: You'd be surprised *gets whacked on head*
Minako: Yeah, why do you always end up training everyone? If you don't mind my saying
so, you're not too good at it.
Kunzite (eyes gleaming): Why do you say that?
Kat: You trained Zoisite, and he carked it. You trained Endymion, and he carked it.
Jed: Ever notice, you two seem to be on the same wavelength?
Familiar Voice: That's because they're twins.
Minako/Kat: WHAT?!!
Beryl: Who's that?
FV: You know me, Beryl.
Beryl: Aack!
Minako: I remember you! You're the dead ghostly thingie.
Queen Serenity: Yes, it is me. I have come to guide you to your true destiny -
Kat: Which is as a General!
Serenity: NO!
Minako: This has too many characters in it! It's supposed to be a Tux-slagging thing, not
anything with any kind of plot!
Tux: Hey, I'm glad about it! At least you've forgotten about me!
QSeren (sweatdrop): MOON CRYSTAL ILLUMINATE!!
Minako: Um, you don't have the ginzuishou anymore. You gave it to Usagi.
Beryl: So Sailormoon's real name is Usagi?!
Minako: Oops.
QS: Don'tcha know, there's a ginzuishou in each millenium! I mean, Small Lady and
Sailormoon managed to use both of their ginzuishous at the same time, even though they
were the same one.
Nephrite: This is getting too confusing. And long.
Zoisite: Well, that's 'cos you're a brainless idiot. I understand what's going on perfectly.
Nephrite: Oh? Share your wisdom!
*Zoisite whispers in Neffy-kun's ear*
Nephrite (grinning): Yeah, go Serenity!
Serenity: MOON CRYSTAL ILLUMINATE!
Tux: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
*Tux disappears... for now*
Minako: Yeah, let's celebrate by erasing some characters!
*Queen Serenity dies from using the ginzuishou, Beryl gets sucked into
another dimension*
Kat: So it's just us and four gorgeous guys... *sigh*
The Four Gorgeous Guys: Wha-?
Minako and Kat: *sigh.....*
Tux appears: You can't be Generals!
Minako (looking irritated): We're not DOING a plot now you idiot!
Tux: But I thought...
Neffy, Zoi, Kunzite and Jed: GET HIM!!!!
*Tux gets blasted with four different attacks*
Tux: Eeiigghhh :::dies:::
Minako: Hey, while he's still dead we can throw him into another
dimension!
Kat: Yeah!Good idea! *Kat and Minako try to pick him up*
Minako: He is HEAVY!!! 
Kat: Wait a second... Iíve got an idea of whatís holding him down!
Minako: You know Kat, I think youíre right...
Everyone else: Wha?
Kat: Not wha! Watch and learn.*Kat and Minako roll tux over and shake him. Hundreds
of roses fall to the ground.*
Minako: Bingo! *Minako and Kat throw Tux into another dimension*
Minako: Now it's just us and those four gorgeous guys again...just the generals
*Kat and Minako are suddenly sitting in the air, Zoisite style*
Minako: whaaaa? Kat, what did you just do to the plot?! I know this is supposed to be
random, but not THIS random!
Kat: We're Generals now, remember?
Minako: I thought we said no plot....
Kat: Why don't we just stop thinking, huh?
Minako: Yeah, you know what they say, don't look a cow directly in the face!
*Everyone sweatdrops*
Jadeite: Uh, excuse me?
Kat: Too bad Artemis isn't here to translate.
Kunzite: Do you think she could've meant 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth'?
Minako: Yeah, that's the one! Okay, no plot, but we stay Generals. The main thing here is,
to get rid of Tux.
Kat: A worthy goal.
Nephrite: But I thought he was dead!
Zoisite: Stop thinking, you'll strain something.
Nephrite: SHUT UP IF YOU KNOW WHATĻS BEST FOR YOU, ZOISITE!!
Zoisite: Wouldn't want to interrupt your thinking, would I? I know it's something that
certain people have to work at.
Nephrite: I ask for power from the stars...
Zoisite: And I don't. Zoi!
Nephrite (sarcastic): Yeah, that was effective.
*While Neffy and Zoey fight, we keep talking*
Kat: He has an amazing ability to come back to life no matter what!
Minako: To destroy him is even worth ditching the no-plot rule!
Cape Boy: Hey, guys! Like a hot wind blowing across the desert sand...
Kat: That's an awfully stupid saying.
Minako: I can't stand this any more... VENUS DARKNESS POWER, MAKE UP!
*Dark Venus stalks up to Cape Boy and rips off his hat*
Venus: There, at least I can stand to look at you now! VENUS DARK CHAINS
SPIRAL!
Tux: Ack!
Venus: And now... the coup de grace... Venus... Eliptical... Power... BEAM!
*Black crescent beam lookalike smashes the cretin, and he dies...*
Venus: VENUS MIDNIGHT SHOWER!
*Shower of eliptic beams shower down and rip Cape Boyís body into oblivion*
Jadeite: Uh... Venus? Heís already dead.
Venus: I know. The Dark Kingdom will always prevail!
Zoisite: Yeah, finally you agree with us!
Venus: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kat: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Tux: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Venus: Oh no!
Kat: Itís MWA-HAHAHA Moron, not HA-HAHA!
Tux: Hey, arenĻt I allowed to laugh too? Laugh and the world laughs with you!
Kat: Laugh and the world laughs at you!
Tux: Thatís not funny. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Kat: Iíll take care of this little so-and-so... hey, what's my power?
Venus: I don't know......
Kat: I'll improvise!!! *Thinks for a moment* Now what can I do that is painful AND cool
looking..... hey, Iíve got it! *Momentary pause, while everyone waits to see what Kat
came up with* Kat Claw Attack! *Fingernails slash Tux. He begins bleeding*
Kat: MWAHAHAHA!!!
Kunzite: Damn... that's scary!
Venus: Well, what do you expect? She's improvising!
Jadeite: This could be a major threat to my planes....
Zoi and Neffy (have stopped fighting to turn and stare at Kat): DAMN!
Tux (Wound heals): I am Tuxedo Kamen-
Kat: Hey Venus, think my claws and your beam could take him out?
Venus: Couldn't hurt _us_ to try.
Kunzite: You think my boomerangs could improve your attack?
Zoi: My blossoms would be complimentry to the purple of Kunzite's
boomerangs...
Neffy: Do think the power of the stars could help?
Jed: Do you-
Kat and Venus: Yes! Now SHUT UP AND KILL HIM!!!
*Attacks fly at Tux. He dies*
Venus: Let's bury him before he comes alive again! Then he'll suffocate
each time he comes alive in the coffin!
Everyone else: YEAH! KILL TUX, KILL TUX...
*Kunzite blasts a hole open in the ground*
Kat: Okay, shove him in!
Venus: Eww, _Iím_ not gonna touch him! You touch him!
Zoisite: Oh, donĻt be so immature.
Venus: Okay then, you put him in the hole!
Zoisite: Are you kidding? I wouldnĻt touch that thing with a ten-foot pole!
Venus: Okay, I really hate to dirty my attack by using it on that, but oh well, Venus Dark
Chain Spiral.
*Chain scoops him into hole*
*Kunzite seals the hole*
Minako: Can I have a kewl general name? Can I be Galena?
Nephrite: Galena? I donít get it!
Minako; Címon, it sounds kewl! Galena, Galena, Galena! Galena, warrior of the... DARK
KINGDOM! MWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
Jadeite (sweatdrop): I really worry about you sometimes, you know.
Kunzite: If youĻre going to be generals -
Zoisite: You have to have a name ending with -ite!
Kat (threateningly): Says who?
Venus: Yeah, what about Beryl?
Kat: We're female, so we get to pick!
Venus: Call yourself Catsy!
Kat: Huh? I don't get it!

Kat: I JUST WANT TO BE KAT!!! I LIKE KAT!!! DAMMIT, I JUST WANT TO BE
CALLED KAT!!!!!!!!!!!
Neffy (sweatdrop): Ummm... okay, we'll call you Kat!
Kat (calms down immediately): What do we call you Venus?
Kunzite: Besides Galena.
Venus: Ummmm....
*A small clod of dirt fly past her shoe*
Kat: Oh no! Tux is trying to get out! 
Venus: I ask for power from the dark side of Venus, cover this evil in dirt!
*A mountain of dirt covers Tux*
Kat: Wow.....
Kunzite: Impressive.... *Looks scared*
Venus: I think you should just call me Venus. My proper name is Dark Venus. You can
call me Leto if you want.
Kat: Why Leto?
Venus: BeCos Iím now the goddess of darkness and of night! And of love...
Jadeite: Why are your eyes hearts?
Venus: Ohh... no reason.
*Venus latches on to Jadeite*
*Kat is making rather obvious eyes at Kunzite. Suddenly she launches herself at him*
Zoisite: V-chan, why do you *always* insist upon splitting Kunzite and myself up?
Venus: I agree you make a very nice couple. But Jed and I are destined to be together.
Nephrite: According to the Silver Millenium, you should be with Kunzite.
Venus: Yeah, heís a good second choice.
Tsukikage no Knight: Tuxedo Kamen is currently dead, so I am the courageous soul of
Mamoru, who fights against the Dark Kingdom.
Zoisite: ZOI!
Knight: Ha ha, missed me!
Zoisite (angry): Okay, Iíll get you with an ice crystal!
Knight: Hey, watch where youíre pointing that thing! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Venus: Hey Tsuki-whatever, why donít you ever think of fighting instead of standing and
bawling?
Knight: Fight? Say, thereís an idea! 
*Roses are flying*
Kat: Good one, Venus.
Venus: His aim sucks anyway.
Knight: Heeya! Yah! Take that!
Kunzite (sarcasm): Oooh, please don't hurt me with your stupid flowers!
Venus: Will you stop filling the air with white petals, it kinda makes it hard to see.
Kat: Face it, roses are pathetic weapons.
Knight: Hey, there's an idea!
*Draws sword*
Venus: Good one, Kat.
Kat: You think I can't handle this baka dude?
Zoicite: Well... no...
Kat: KAT CLAW ATTACK!!!
*Knight falls on the ground dead... for now. Everyone sweatdrops*
Kat: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Kunzite: The more I see her the more she scares me....
Knight (weakly): Princess... you and I will be together once more.
Venus: VENUS MIDNIGHT!
Kat: DARK VORTEX!
Venus: SHOWER!
Kat: ILLUMINATE!
*Knight gets hit with Venus' attack and sucked into Kat's vortex*
Kat: Mwhahahahahaha!
*Generals sweatdrop... for the twentieth time*
Kunzite: HUDDLE!!!
*Generals discuss things for a few moments*
Zoisite (clears his throat): We have er... discovered that you are...
that is to say..........
Kunzite: You're more powerful than we are.
Kat and Venus: We are?????? YEAH!!!
Jadeite: Therefore we need to *clears throat* eliminate you...
Kat: Awww... we're not going to hurt you! After all, we're all evil
forces of the Dark Kingdom, and we all hate every form of Tuxedo Kamen!
Nephrite: _I_ think that's enough to qualify them...
Zoisite: Nephrite, youíre thoughts donít qualify anything.
Venus: Well, as long as we're officially evil errr... Kings? Queens...
then we need to get to know each other better....
Kat (smiles slyly at Kunzite): a lot better....
Sailormoon (Appearing from... NO-WHERE! This is a recurring theme...): Tuxedo
Kamen! You Dark Kingdom slimes! Venus, I canít believe you betrayed us!
Venus: Awww... but the Dark Kingdom has so many cute guys to offer!
Moon: Iíll set you free, Tuxedo Kamen. Moon Healing Escalation!
*Ground breaks open*
Kat: This loyalty is making me sick...
Tux: Ah... my princess.
Venus: Kat CLAW ATTACK!
*Attack strikes Tux and Moon, the impact is lessened because itĻs shared between the
two*
*Moon doesn't die, but she decides she doesn't particularly want to stick up for Tux
against the mighty Dark Kingdom team!*
Moon: Ah, he was a jerk anyway. Au revoir, Tuxy!
Tux: My girl left me... WAHHHHH!!!
Kat: Serves you right, you've done that to her sooo many times... and
anyway, YOUR GIRL?!  May I remind you that you don't own her....you know,
that's another thing that pisses me off about you males! *turns on the
whole group hissing* you think you own girls you little two-timing...
Venus (sweatdrops): Kat, give it a rest, they're on our side...
Kat: Sorry guys, but I notice other girls who get dominated and it makes
me SICK!! Especially when it's by guys like TUX!!!! KAT CLAW ATTACK!!!
Tux: AHHHH!!!! *dies*
Kat: He'll be back soon, but at least we get some peace for now...
*Endymion appears from a gate from the future*
Venus: Shit....
Kat: I thought you didnít swear....
Venus: Only when I really mean it. SHIT!
Kat: Oh... well, enough with the subplot. We have to find a way to wipe him out
permanently!
Venus: Yeah, some sort of long term solution... I know! If we destroy him in the past,
heíll never be born! And we can destroy the ginzuishou so he wonít be ressurected!
*Long silence. The writers donít know how to fill this long transition, so there is a quick
scene of Usagi eating donuts.*
Jadeite: This is a boring fic.
Kat: Gee thanks, so glad you appreciate it! KAT CLAW-
Venus: VENUS DARK CHAINS SPIRAL!
*Chains stop Kat from ripping Jed apart... ^_^*
Venus: You have gotta learn to control that temper!
Kat (sighs): Wait till you read the comic strip about me! I really get a
temper....
Kunzite: What a temper it is!
Kat: OH SHUT UP!!!! KAT CLAW- dammit, I can't kill him, he's too cute!
With those silvery eyes and kunzite colored hair, he's so wonderful...
Kunzite (sweatdrops): _Now_ you're scaring me....
Venus: Shouldn't we get back to the plot?
Kat: Oh, right....
Venus: So anyway, if we hid the crystal, and...
Endymion: I'm really so wonderful.. *sighs* I could just spend the
whole day with me.....
Venus: We'll never get anywhere with him around... *casually points
her finger at Endynion* Venus Dark Love Blast! SMASH! 
Endymion (dying): I'm sorry... princess...
Kat: Whatever.
*Endymion dies*
Venus: At last we can get back to the plot!
Kat: Plot? what plot?
Venus: Ka-at.... *looks annoyed*
Kat: Uh, right, _that_ plot.... Iíd really prefer to start pashing instead... umm... Venus,
what is pashing? A typo?
Venus: ummmm, I think- oh well, it doesnít matter! We NEED to have a plot, or at least a
sub-plot right now.... 
Kat: right.... but what are we going to do?
Minako: *eyes glow* Oh, I have a GOOD idea....
Nephrite: I need a girl.
Zoisite: No girl would be desperate enough to have you!
ChibiChan: I WOULD!!!
Venus: Nikki?! Whereíd you come from?
Kat: Hello, ChibiChan. Goodbye, ChibiChan.
ChibiChan: But I'm not finished yet! I want in on this fic! So, Neffy,
how's it hanging?
Nephrite: I ask for power from the stars...
Kat: KAT CLAW ATTACK!
*ChibiChan dies*
Jadeite: We really need someone to keep all of these excess characters
in check!
Tuxie: Iím not an excess character, Iím a vital part of everyoneís lives!
Kat: Not any more. Kat Sonic SCREAM!!! MEEEEEEEEEEOW!
Venus: Venus Eliptic Power BEAAAAAMMMMM!
*Tuxie dies again*
Kunzite: So, how do we get into the past?
Venus: Itís really very simple. Iíll just call the guardian of time. PLUTO, I SUMMON
YOU!
Pluto: Venus, what do you want now?
Venus: See how the guardian of time comes at _my_ beck and call?
Pluto: Venus, do you have a reason for calling me or are you just showing off that you can
summon the guardian of time _again_?
Venus: Oh, I have a reason this time. You have to help us get to the past.
Pluto: Iím not letting these scums through my time portal!
Nephrite (seductively): Weíre really not that bad, ya know....
Zoisite (shocked): Nephrite?!
Pluto (giggling): Well, itís a rule that I donít let you through.
Nephrite (moving nearer to Pluto): Rules are made to be broken, sugar.
Pluto: So what are we waiting for? 
Neffy: Yeah, what are _we_ waiting for... *Moves even closer to Pluto*
Kat: Oh GAG ME!!! You know Neffy, self centered people like you really
piss me off....
Zoisite: You said it! Let's double team 'im!
Kat: OH YEAH!!!
Venus: NO!!! Er, wait, don't kill Neffy, he's..... vital to the story!
Zoisite: In what way?
Venus: Errr.....
Kat (pouting): I never have annnyyyy fuuunnnn....... *A Miss America
Contest walks by* KAT CLAW ATTACK!!! *MA Contestant runs away
screaming* I feel better now....
Venus (sighs): Oh Kat...
Pluto: Hey, it's been a while since I had a line..... and anyway, I'd
really like to spend a little "quality time" with Neffy-chan....
Zoisite (turns on Kat and Venus): You sickos! You're the ones writing
this perverted thing!
Venus: Not exactly... you see, we don't have total control over the fic!
the explanation is really quite simple... if the plot is divided by two
dulcimas it equals one sweatdrop, however-
Zoicite: RIGHT! Got it.
Kat: Hey, can we please move on here? I mean, I have to think of more
stuff to write in this plot 'cause it's getting kinda...
Jadeite: BORING!
Kat: HEY!!! No one can insult this fic but me and Venus!
Venus: This sucks.
Kat: HEY!!!! So I can't think of anything... wait a second, we still
need to utilize Pluto's power. So, what do we do?
Venus: Errr...
Kat: Wait I've got an idea! *a typewriter appears in front of her and
she begins typing furiously*
Venus: Hey... what the-? VENUS DARK GLASS ATTACK!!!
Kunzite: What kind of attack is that?!
*Neffy is incased in a glass bubble with airholes to breath through*
Kat: no one can get out... no one can get in... so Pluto, we'll give you
your precious Neffy-chan if you take us to the past...
Pluto (cursing under her breath): Oh fine! 
Jadeite (smiling at Venus): Very nice! Now we're getting somewhere...
Zoisite: I really do not like this fic. Why does everyone get paired up except me?!
Venus: Aww, shut up! You sound like Nephrite!
Zoisite: HEY! ZOI!
Venus: Uh huh. Flower petals. Real effective, hon. Face it, Zoey, you donít have any fans!
becki: And What about me, huh?
Zoisite: Where have you been all my life?
Venus: In another dimension, you moron.
Zoisite: HEY!
becki: Stop being so realistic all the time.
Venus: Oh, great. Another character. I swear, this is a conspiricy or something! HEY!
YOU CANĻT OVERTHROW THE ALMIGHTY AUTHORS, MWAHAHAHAHAHA! 
*cough, cough* 
Kat: Almighty? Well, Iíd say that about myself, but YOU?! Almighty? Thatís a laugh and
a half!
Venus: Then why arenít I laughing?
Kat: Venus, stop bringing new characters in! And youĻve totally distorted everyoneís
personalities beyond measure! Zoisite is a whiny, annoying, smart-alecky, fight-picking...
umm... 
Venus: That sounds about right to me!
Zoisite: Take that back!
Kat: And Nephrite is a total idiot no-hoper... actually... yeah, you were spot on with that
one!
Pluto: Dead...
Venus: Haha, you donít have the Garnet Orb, you canít hurt us!
*Pluto bashes Venus over the head with time key*
Kat: This fic is moving soooo slowly.... it sucks, get a move on!
Venus: If you didnít keep destroying things, maybe I could control the fic better!
Kat: Are you saying I'm pig headed?
Venus: Are you saying Iím a bad writer?
Kat/Venus: YES! Grrr...
Venus: VENUS DARK CHAINS...
Kat: KAT SONIC...
Venus: SPIRAL!
Kat: SCREAM! MEEEEEEEEOW!
becki: Sibling rivalry.
Kunzite: Were you saying something about realistic?
*Another uncomfortable pause, and another shot of Usagi stuffing her face*
Pluto: I call upon the great power of PLUTO, open the gates of time,
allow us to travel through!
*Dramatic sound effects*
Pluto: Time's a-wasting! C'mon, y'all, I want my dream hunk!
Kat (pointing to becki): Are we taking her with us?
Kunzite (looks at becki): No.
becki (raises her eyebrows): if you don't, I will refuse to publish your 
story...
Kat/Venus: WE'RE TAKING HER!
Jadeite (sighs): Oh hell, another character to drag along....
Venus: Hey Kat, why do people seem to swear more in your section?
Zoicite: Who cares?! Now let's go kill Tuxedo Kamen!
Pluto (whining): Yeah, let's gooo....
Kat (sighs): There goes _that_ sub-plot...
*Everyone walks through the gates*
Pluto: Okay, now give me Neffy!
Kat: Yeah right! You Scouts are so gullible!
Venus: Hey!
Kat: Not you.
Venus: You Scouts refers to me!
Kat: Yeah, well...
Venus: I donít want NA references in my fic!
Kat: Oh, shove it up your...
Venus: Now, letís not be vulgar.
Pluto: I WANT MY NEFFY-CHAN!!!
Venus (annoyed): Yea, yea.
Pluto: NOW!!!
Zoicite: Hey, Kat, why don't we just give her Nephrite and get it over
with- 
Kat: And be trapped over here in time? You can stay, I'm keeping Neffy
'till we get back to 1997!
Pluto: Damn.
Venus: I think you've forgotten that it's my power!
Kat: Well, you want to be stuck here for eternity?!
Kunzite: Can we please just kill Tuxedo Kamen and leave?
Prince Endymion: I see much evil here! I will defend my beloved
princess!
Venus: There he is now....
*The Generals grin evilly*
Kat: On a completely unrelated topic... if this is a non-NA fic, why are we referring to the
Kings as the Generals?
Venus: You ditz! They canĻt be the Kings anymore, because weíve joined them! We are
not Kings, weíd be Queens. And that sounds really stupid.
Kat: Hmm, yes, whatever.
Pluto: All we can do is wait for Endymion to appear.
*Pluto goes and stares into NeffyĻs bubble thingum*
Jadeite: Those two nauseate me sooo much.
Venus: Why am I always paired up with him?
Jadeite: Huh? Whatís wrong with me?!
Venus: Nothing at all. But... sometimes I long for someone better...
Kat: Uh oh... do I get the feeling a new character is about to appear?
*A new character appears*
Venus: NURIKO!!
Nuriko: What 

the... where am I?
*Venus latches onto Nuriko*
Jadeite (annoyed): Oh great. Purple-head gets my girl, and I get no-one!
Venus: Iím not your girl.
Nuriko: Umm.... excuse me, oh girl-who-is-drooling-on-my-shirt... I donít mean to be
rude or anything... but WHO THE @!#%)^ ARE YOU?!!
becki: Way to go, V-chan!
*becki attaches herself to Nuriko also*
Venus: HEY!
becki: GET OFF!
Kat: Oh brother. I sense a conflict brewing.
*Nuriko pushes both girls off him*
Jadeite: Alright, you. Letís see who is worthy of Venus!
Kat: I think we can tell who is at the keyboard.
Venus (grinning): What can I say? Iím just naturally irresistable!
Nuriko: Hey, Iím not after your girl!
Endymion: Hey! Whatís going on over here?
Kat: Come back in five minutes. I wanna see these two rip the crap outta each other!
Jadeite: Iím gonna kill you!
Nuriko: The Suzaku Seishi donít give up that easily!
*Nuriko shoves Jadeite. Jadeite goes flying into Endymion*
Jadeite (referring to Endymion): ACK! Make him go AWAY!
Endymion: Jadeite? Are you working for Beryl now? YOU TRAITOR!
*Everyone ignores him*
Venus: I know! Why donĻt you go with Jadeite, and IĻll go with Nuriko!
becki: Because I donĻt *want* Jadeite!
Zoisite: So, what about me?
Nuriko: Hey, who are you?
Zoisite: My nameís Zoisite.
Nuriko: Hey, you remind me of Hotohori!
Venus: He looks nothing *like* Hotohori!
Zoisite: You remind me of Kunzite!
Kat: He looks nothing *like* Kunzite!
*Nuriko and Zoisite run up and embrace each other*
becki/Venus: WAAAAAAAAAH!
Kat: VENUS!! Get away from the keyboard! This is not a Fushigi Yuugi fic!
Nuriko: Another man as beautiful as me...
Kat: VENUS!!! Is this gonna end up as a yaoi fic?!
*Kat pries Venus away from the keyboard*
Prince Endymion: I see much evil here! I will defend my beloved
princess!
Venus: There he is now...
Kat: Okay, letís kill him and then go find the ginzuishou!
Venus: Yeah, okay.
Pluto (waking up): Huh? Oh, the plot has come back, has it? Okay, Iíll help!
Endymion: Huh? Whatís going on?
Venus: Heís a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
Kat: HeĻs a few bricks short of a house.
Kunzite: HeĻs a few sausages short of a barbeque.
Zoisite: HeĻs a few IQ points short of an amoeba.
Kat: Haha, good one Zoey!
Zoisite: I aim to please. I also aim to kill that thing. Zoi!
Endymion: I donĻt believe it! You all betrayed me!
Jadeite: Duh! What year are you living in?
Venus: 995.
Jadeite: Oh yeah. Heh heh.
Nuriko: Well, I donít know who you are. But as someone who keeps up with the latest
fashions, I have to say that that getup is quite hideous. Come on, get with the times! You
want fashion advice, Iím here to help!
*Nuriko slaps him on the back. Endymion goes crashing to the ground*
Nuriko: Oops. Heh heh.
Venus: Well, actually, weíd prefer to kill him right now.
Zoisite: Yeah, heís a bit of a hindrance in our lives.
Kunzite: Meaning that we canít stand life with him in it.
Kat (hysterical): WE ARE GOING TO SHUT UP AND START ATTACKING NOW
BEFORE I START THROWING SHARP POINTY THINGS!!!!!
Venus: Erm.... okay, letís fight.
Nuriko: Oh, okay, Iíll give that a go.
Kat (Finally REALLY regaining control of the keyboard): No, you will not give it a go
yet. I WANT NURIKO OUT OF HERE!!! I WANT TO GO BACK TO JUST BEING
GENERALS AND KILLING TUX!!! I CANNOT STAND THIS ANYMORE! I quit.
*Kat walks away from the computer*
Venus: KAT! Get back here! We need you to help fight!
Kat: No. Our Neffy Plot is down the drain, becuase you released him accidently  while you
were drooling all over Nuriko. Now he and Pluto are gone. Weíre trapped in the past you
MORON!!! 
Venus: WAIT!!! Come back! If you do, Iíll let you write a vampire into the plot!
Kat (whirls around): You will? YES!
Venus: What have I done....
*A pale man dressed in black appears.*
Kat: Thatís more like it!
*Ani DiFranco appears*
Kat: WAY COOL!
Venus: Kat, please get Ani DiFranco out of here!
Kunzite: Sheís beautiful! *Swoons*
Ani: Hey man, calm down. Arenít you over-reacting a little?
Venus (sighing): This is a good place to end part 1.

*End Part 1*

katmeow@sj.bigger.net
Email Kat and tell her how rediculous this thing
really is...


cstanley@adelaide.on.net
Tell Minako that you love this Tux slagging
story......